In the new digital era, romance has changed.
See a picture, swipe left or right.
Quick, instant decisions.
Hook-ups more than dating.
Online dating is the most common way people meet their spouses. I met my husband on J-Date. Which 7 years ago, was the go-to place if you were Jewish, looking for love. Now J-Date is old news, it’s J-Swipe, Tinder, Bumble to Bumble, Plenty of Fish and the list goes on.
What used to be answering lots of questions, writing profiles about ourselves to hope that somebody else would find us alluring and interesting enough to message has now turned into a swipe fest.
Swipe left to discard, swipe right to keep.
It’s as easy now as running a credit card at your favorite store. We are the generation of instant gratification.
But, what is this modern romance really doing to our dating world? Are we swiping before our minds even have time to take in all the information about a person? Are we judging people solely on their looks rather than what they’re really made of?
There are some rules of thumb in the modern romance world.
The dating apps have even adjusted to it. The other night one of my single girlfriends was telling me about a dating website. She ‘connected’ with 5 guys, and if she didn’t say something to them within 24 hours they would go away. She quickly sat down, phone in hand, and generated replies that were flirty, not too committal, open-ended, quirky to attract the men. The rule of thumb is, reply quickly, meet immediately, otherwise it becomes a dead end.
But, this goes against psychological research that says ignoring, making people wait- creates the feeling of scarcity and making oneself more attractive.
You know what I’m talking about.
You text somebody, wait 5 hours before they text back, questioning the entire time do you think he’s just not into me, is he busy at work?
People struggle to commit, making them noncommittal, career-oriented and more interested in hookups and flings than they are marriage and children- or so they claim. Dating apps make the possibility of whom we connect with endless, which makes people constantly feeling dissatisfied looking for the next more perfect human being for us to connect with.
Online dating can lead to dating burnout, constantly worrying if you’re being cat-fished or ghosted. In our new modern romance time, take care of yourself. Notice what you’re feeling. If you need a break, take one! The dating world has changed, but that doesn’t mean that you stop self-care. Knowing your limits and boundaries leads to finding true, authentic love. That’s what we are looking for!