According to Iyalna Vanzant- “the number one human addiction is control.”

We all have an addiction.

Maybe it’s shopping, gambling, porn, alcohol. The real question is what are we all chasing by these addictions- it’s control. In some sense or another, every addiction we have, they all lead back to the number one human addiction- CONTROL.

What’s your control addiction? How do you act upon it? What does it do for you?

I’m not ashamed to admit that I need control in my life.

What happens in a relationship with control? If two individuals are striving for control in all areas of their lives, how do they deal with it between them? How do they know when it’s time to take the lead, give the lead?

This is one of the biggest challenges I see with couples- giving and taking lead. There are areas that are “safer” for you to give over control, what are they? Do you notice in your body, when you need to take control, how it impacts you and the other person? How do you find compromise in those moments, without feeling that you are giving over all control, but relinquishing enough to allow your partner- (mother sister, friend, or intimate partner) control? Because you know in that moment, it’s more important to them, their individuals’ moment, than your own.

The next task is having your partner even know when you gave control, that you might’ve struggled to do it. But you were able. And knowing with each other, why and when you chose to give control.

What about giving it over, makes you feel better? Helps you navigate?

This is something couples negotiate DAILY, without being mindful at all of that act. So, I encourage you to slow down this week and start to notice and be mindful of when you feel in control, when your partner wants control, what stops you from giving it, or from taking it from your partner when they don’t want it? It all has meaning to- the moments where you each choose to take/give/not take. It can open up amazing, growth-spurring conversations between you!