I was traveling this weekend, and as I watched the baggage claim carousel go around and around, I had an aha moment. Robin at Peloton’s words began to ring in my mind.
We are not baggage claim for someone else’s bullshit.
Often, we take on other people’s baggage and BS. Why do we do this to ourselves? Is it because we think we can handle it? Because we think we are superwoman or superman? Do we think our spouses & friends want us to? Do we think they can’t handle it? Do we think it’s our job?
Well, whatever the reason- it’s time to stop! Because you are not baggage claim for someone else’s bullshit. Stop claiming their shit as your own. Stop taking it on, fixing it, trying to make it better- at the expense of yourself. Leave their baggage going round that carousel. When they’re ready to pick it up, they will.
It’s not our job to decide when it’s time to recognize the baggage, claim it, own it, and do something about it. It’s an individual decision, based upon when they, and only they are ready to pick it up, examine it and start doing something with and about it.
When we pick up our spouses, partners, friends or family members baggage as our own, it creates conflict within the relationship. We see the problem from our perspective, we see the solution-from our perspective. We try to fix it- from our perspective. You, me- We mean well, but the underlying, sub(un)conscious message we are sending is- you can’t do it alone. You need me to fix this. That’s not the message we want to be sending. What we want to be sending and saying is, I love you, I’m here for you if you want help, but I believe you have the toolset and the ability do this on your own.
It signifies and shows trust, support and love. Unless somebody asks for the help, just be there & listen. Once they do ask for help, recognize how to give help- without it becoming your own bullshit. Make sure there is space between the problem and you.
So, next time you see that bag going around on the carousel, just observe it. Notice what’s happening in your body as you see it keep going around. Stop your hands or your mind from picking it up.
Be mindful without taking ownership.
Perhaps by being mindful it helps us notice something within ourselves that we want to change. Leave other people’s baggage on the carousel, stop claiming it as your own!