Life is constantly moving and changing. Bringing up a cocktail of emotions, excitement, happiness & sadness.
My parents are moving from my childhood home. I never anticipated the emotion that would ensue as we began to process of cleaning, packing and having a garage sale. For weeks now, we have been going down memory lane. Laughing, hugging, and crying through it all.
The tears are happy & sad. Crying over saying goodbye to the past– shows a past that you’re torn to say goodbye to. A childhood that was so warm and loving that it hurts to let go.
Yet, exciting for the next chapter. I’m so happy for my parents as they go on their next adventure together, happily married for 35+ years and starting a new journey. As a couples therapist, wow, what inspiration they continue to be of the work it takes to make a marriage work!
However, the tears keep flowing!
It’s okay to not be okay! This saying couldn’t be more true. I’ve been asked am I okay? The answer, I will be! But for now, I’m tearful & sad, and that’s okay!
In a world where we aren’t good at goodbyes, where we avoid sadness, ghost each other because we don’t know how to express ourselves, afraid of vulnerability, discomfort. I’m embracing it! I’m allowing myself to grieve, to cry, to not be okay, to remember, to say goodbye with grace.
I won’t walk through the kitchen, where we sat together for dinner, or open the pantry that was filled with snacks. I won’t see the room I grew up in, or the bathroom I shared with my sister. I won’t get to open the door to the room my great grandparents lived in, where my great grandma scratched my back every night before bed. I won’t get to lay out by the pool, putting floats in the hot tub to tan “just right” with my girlfriend. Or go downstairs where I played endlessly with my Barbies. I won’t go upstairs to ‘borrow’ clothes from my mom’s room (which she eventually put a lock on), or sit in her closet as she tries on clothes! Sit in the family room where we laughed, cuddled and watched tv. Play on the piano where I learned to play and sing my heart out. Eat at the dining room table that held our 30+ family holiday meals and the Taz balloon that stayed inflated for years- a sign that my grandfather always watched over us.
The memories… they’ll always be in my heart and mind. I’ll carry them forward as we create new memories, yet hold and honor the same traditions, filled with the same love from our amazing family.
So, as I walk through the now empty house, as it goes on the market to become somebody else’s home, I cry. I grieve and I smile for a home that was so beautiful, so loving and will be cherished forever! It used to my playground, my home and now it’ll be another families! I can only wish them the joy I experienced growing up there.
What’s made our home, home is us!My close family of 4, that has grown to 9 and continues to grow say goodbye and thank these walls that watched us grow, laugh, cry, fight, repair & love!!!
Home is about being with the people who love and support you, who make you smile and you enjoy spending time with. Leaving my childhood home behind might be sad, but the most important thing is coming with me: my family.